The Oddball Stuff


The Page Formerly known as: Misc Thoughts and Stuff

Spring 1998: They Still Are Coming! (Sometime)

December 1997: Big Changes Are Coming!

September 1997: The Big Oh

August 1997: We are Moving Again!

July 1997: The Crying Game is Suing Me!

June 1997: Ah'm Sue'n Star Trek!

May 1997: We Have a Winner!

April 1997: The "Let's Rename This Page" Contest

March 1997: The Big Move

February 1997: I'm Sopping My Own Gravy Now!

January 1997: When The Log Rolls Over, We Shall Die!

December 1996: New Beginning

November 1996: Special Requests

What you'll find here

Probably anything, leftovers, scraps, whatever. Stuff that won't fit on the other pages or stuff that doesn't have it's on page yet. Maybe just random thoughts or things that sound good or interesting to me or just something I wanted to share with the world.

Spring 1998

They Still Are Coming!(Sometime)

Well, I'm late again. Sorry about that folks. Between discovering Command & Conquer and other unspecified surfings and just plain laziness, I let time get away from me again. All those extra links pages are up still up and I've made only a little progress on my Java page. I've got it auto-refreshing and automatically playing a sound file and that's about it. Maybe this summer.

Hey, I found a pretty neat site the other day. It's called The Fantastic Typing CyberMonkey. You know the old saying about an infinite number of monkeys typing away at an infinite number of typewriters ,blah, blah, blah. Well this site tries to see if it is really true. And while we on the subject, the other day I came across a great quote at The Dysfunctional Family Circus (the second funniest site on the Web). I saved the exact quote on my computer and then lost it. Oops. It goes something like this:

If an infinite number of rednecks were riding in the back of an infinite number of pickup trucks and shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs for an infinite number of time, would they eventually spell out one of the great works of literature in braille?
 Oh yea, I almost forgot. Back on January 30, Clyde was named Pet of the Day at Pet of the This site is normally featured on Netscape's What's Cool page, but doesn't seem to be there right now. This is a heavily traveled site, so I'm sure a lot of people stumbled across our boy that day.
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December 1997

Big Changes Are Coming!

First of all, let me explain why this update is so late at being posted. At the end of September, Danny and Julie of "Danny and Julie's Webzine" got engaged and on November 22, Danny and Julie got married. So as you could imagine, we have been way too busy planning and getting everything together to take care of our website the way we should. Now that everything is starting to settle down and we are able to get back to business as usual, we won't! Read on.....

Item #1: Danny and Julie's Webzine will no longer be monthly. In 1998, it will be a quarterly. The main reason for this is, to be honest, I'm starting to run out of ideas. Also, there are other things that I'm wanting to do with my website and with my computer in general. I have a ton of programs I need to learn and very little time to do it in. So in this coming year, I'm going to be spacing out the stories and such and hopefully the quality will increase and you'll start seeing other new and different types of pages.

Item #2: And speaking of new and different types of pages, I hope to get the "Annoying Java Page" up and running sometime next year. It won't be about Java only, but also forms, auto refresh, and lots of other stuff that tends to annoy people. It will be along the same lines as The "I Hate Frames" Frames Page. Speaking of which, that page is just a joke. I put that page together for fun and just to learn how to make a frames page. I get more hate mail from that page than from any other page. In fact, I get all my hate mail from that page. There's people out there that carry on like they invented frames themselves. Chill out people, it's all just a joke.

Item #3: Other new things could include an Ernest T. Bass Sound Page. Did you know there is not one single Ernest T. Bass Sound Page or Fan Page anywhere on the whole Internet? I went through all the major search engines and came up bone dry. Well you heard it hear first. So stay tuned. Other projects may include a White Trash Picture Gallery and The Log Joke may get a page of it's own.

Item #4: My Links Pages will be totally revamped. I will probably trash all but three of them and make those more theme related instead of having all of them look the same. The others will be trashed to make more room and due to lack of interest and redundancy. Besides, if you can't find Netscape, Microsoft, and Dilbert without me, then you might as well give it up.

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September 1997

The Big Oh

That's what happened this month. Nothing. Zero. The Big Oh! I haven't heard from the Paramount lawyers, or the Crying Game lawyers, or even from Fox. Maybe they forgot about me. Good, because I am just about sick of watching all these Westerns. Anyway, I have done my monthly update now, so I'll see you next month.

Whoops! I almost forgot. I don't another response from The Log Joke article. This time from Paul Huggins. "I heard the log joke when I was in grade school.  I went to school in Aurora, Minnesota, a tiny town up in the northern part of the state." If responses like this keep coming in, I may have to dedicate a whole webpage to the subject. Keep those cards and letters coming.

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August 1997

We are Moving Again!

That's right! We're moving again, sort of. It's kind of complicated. Because we are really not moving. We are not changing ISPs again, but our Website address will be changing and our email address has already changed. When we last change ISPs, we changed over to IPA (Internet Partners of America); but because of the region of the state that we live in, we had to use the Intellinet servers. Intellinet is another ISP that IPA had recently purchased at that time. Since that time IPA has been slowly but surely absorbing and upgrading Intellinet and the plans are that eventually Intellinet will completely cease to exist. In the meanwhile, we had the email address and the website address. Now our email address is and our website will be Actually, both email addresses and website addresses work right now. But eventually only the IPA will be the only one that works. The details of when the complete changeover will take place have not been worked out yet. In the meanwhile, you might as well update your bookmarks to the address, because next month the address may not exist.

NOTE!!!! It is Pay special attention to the number 2. Also, pay special attention to the .net, it is NOT Please do not send us email to that address because it really annoys the poor guys at the Internet Professionals Association.

During the transition, their will be two web counters at the bottom of each page. This is only temporary, so excuse the mess.

I'm still trying to find that Western movie I mentioned last month. I have received a whopping response of zero emails on the subject. Come on guys! I'm dying  here.

Here's a good one. My boss was given a book called "The Lifetime Achievements of Bill Clinton". Of course, the book was nothing but blank pages. He went to the internet and tried to do a search on the subject. This is the results from Yahoo. I guess that confirms it. The internet has spoken.

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July 1997

The Crying Game is Suing Me!

That's right! Just one month after I filed my lawsuit against Paramount Studios, The Crying Game people filed a lawsuit against me. Ya'll are already aware of my Scorpion story and how that Star Trek stoled it from me. Well, about a few days after my last update I was contacted by William Coman who told my that the story was also used  in The Crying Game movie. Now, I have never seen The Crying Game before, but I have always wanted to; even though the big secret surprise (that no one is allowed to talk about with people that had not seen the movie yet) had been ruined for me. Well I thought that now was as good a time as any. And it was a good movie; better than I even thought it would be. And sure enough, the Scorpion story was in it, except this time it was a Frog instead of a Fox or Turtle. I showed the movie to my very capable lawyer Lionel Hutz (55 k) and he said, "No Problem!" Two weeks later, I hear from the Crying Game lawyers and my lawyer goes on vacation all of a sudden like. He says if he doesn't take it now, he'll lose all he vacation days for the year. That doesn't seem right, it being June and all. Any way, I know the Star Trek people put them up the this. They are just trying to get me to drop my lawsuit against them.

Now I'm going to come clean about where I first heard this story. I was about 8 or 9 years old in the early seventies and I was watching some Western movie on TV. One cowboy told another cowboy the story of the Scorpion and the Turtle. I am almost 100% positive it was a turtle. The movie was in color and was not made for television. Also it seemed to be on NBC. The cowboys were outside and out in some desert like area. I'd say the movie was made between 1965 and 1975 and most likely after 1970. The Crying Game lawyers tell me that if I can tell them the name of that movie and if I drop my lawsuit against Paramount, that they will drop their suit against me. Fair enough, but one problem; I don't have the faintest idea what the name of that movie was. This is where I come to you. Is there any one out their that remembers that movie. Any one PLEASE! Surely their is some Western fanatic out there that can get me out of this jam. All you have to do is email me with the answer and I got it made.

Special Log Joke Update: For those of you who remember, I asked everyone out there back in January if they remember hearing the Log Joke when they were kids; and if so, where it was that they heard it. Well I just heard from Marcel in Canada and I thought I just had to share this with you. And remember now, don't be shy. I really want to hear from you on this. I was thrill to get this today.

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June 1997

Ah'm Sue'n Star Trek!

That's right, I'm suing Star Trek! Did anyone out there catch the season finale of Star Trek: Voyager? Pretty good show. It's a keeper. I'll skip on rehashing the whole show, but the one part I want to bring up here is this. Captain Janeway decides to make a deal with the Borg in giving them information about how to defeat an even greater enemy in exchange for safe passage through Borg Space. Well Commander Chakotay thinks that is about the stupidest thing he ever heard. So he tells Janeway an old parable he heard as a child about "The Scorpion and the Fox". I don't know about you, but it sure sounds a lot like my story of "The Turtle and the Scorpion" in my December 1996 update. (See below). What do you think? Do I have a chance?

Here's a good one. I came across this in the April 29-30 edition of the Paragould Tribune in the classified ads.

Here's a follow up on our AOL sites:
Danny and Julie's Webzine - AOL version (Iberdot)
Danny and Julie's Webzine - AOL version (Scottiluvr)

May 1997

We Have a Winner

Due to the overwhelming response of absolutely nobody, we have a winner of last month's "Let's Rename This Page Contest" - ME! So from now on, this page will be known as "The Oddball Page". So, if you don't like my choice, too bad. You had your chance.

Danny and Julie's Webzine is expanding to AOL. We have had an account with AOL for a couple of months now so that Julie can access something for her work that you can't get anywhere else (Vet stuff), and along with that comes 10 MB of webspace. Under our current ISP, we have only 2 MB of space and we are slowly creeping towards maxxing that out. So the plan is to keep the core of "Danny and Julie's Webzine" right here on Intellinet where it always has been and to place the graphically intense new pages over in the AOL space. So we will be growing and expanding in the coming months.

Daylight Savings Time finally kicked in this month. That means the clock in my truck is finally right again (for at least six months, that is). And speaking of clocks, Julie used to have the time on her alarm clock set early to fool herself in the morning and the clocks in the bathroom were all set to different times. Well, after listening to me gripe about never knowing what time it is, (I don't need to be fooled in the morning, I know what time I need to be at work and how long it takes to get there), she finally set all the clocks in the house to the same time. The only problem now is; all five radios are set to different stations and she has to turn on at three to them, not including my radio alarm. So now we have four different stations play in the mornings and it sounds like some dang opera company warming up after everything gets mixed together. I can't win.

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April 1997

The "Let's Rename This Page" Contest

Okay everybody, Danny and Julie's Webzine has been "on the air" since November of last year and we have recently had our 1000th hit. Pretty good for a little ol' personal home page stuck off in some dark little corner of the internet. I guess I could have more hits if I had some porn or something like that, but who needs one more porn site. BUT, as of this writing, this page hasn't even had 100 hits yet. And dang it, it's a pretty good page! Interesting things can be found here. I guess with a title like "Misc Thoughts and Stuff", people must think that this is some kind of trash page and not worth to download time. So, it is time to rename this page and I would appreciate any suggestions. I'm thinking: "The Oddball Stuff", "The Oddball Page", "The Leftovers". I don't know, something like that. What is your prize, you ask? Nothing! A big thanks from us and your name up in lights right here.

When The Log Rolls Over - UPDATE: For those of you who read the January Misc Story, I ask for people who remembered hearing that joke as a child and where they lived when they heard it. I already had Arkansas, Louisiana, and Texas. Now we hear from Donald Atkinson: originally from Bisbee - a small town in southeastern Arizona. This bad little joke seems to be a little less small as time goes by. Thanks Donald. And for the rest of you, if you remember hearing that story as a child, please email me and let me know where you heard it.

One last thing. I just found this great way of speeding up your modem. I went from connecting at 21600 to 57600, and I only have a 28.8 modem. Now of course, the internet itself can still be slow at times, but there is still a noticeable difference. First thing you do is go to "Ask Dr. Modem". Follow the instructions for your brand and specific type of modem. Then you will find an "init string" listed. This line of text is what you will cut and paste. Now, in Windows 95: go to Start> Settings> Control Panel> Modems> Properties> Connection> Advanced> in Extra Settings box: this is where you will paste your init string. Do that and reboot and then see how fast your connection is. If you don't like it, all you have to do is take it back out again - no problem.

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March 1997

The Big Move

Well everybody, we made the big move. Our previous ISP changed their rates and the flat rate was only good for 150 hours. That's like an all you can eat buffet - anorexics only welcome. Because of this, the March issue is slightly late. The counters were off-line for three or four days and now that we've got them back, they are all fuzzy looking. But I'll keep working at them and also I'll keep trying to iron out all the other wrinkles at our website. I'm having to resubmit to all the search engines and contact all the people who have ever emailed me to let them know where we are now. So things have been a little hectic around here. So if you spot anything I have missed -bad link, missing graphic, whatever - let me know and I'll fix it. Otherwise, have patience and things should be back to normal by next month. Hope to see you soon and often.

Something new I started this month is archiving the older Bodacious Lies and Pointless Stories. The stories are still available, they are just on separate pages now. From now on, I will just have the two most recent stories on the main pages. This should cut down on your download time. Now I need to figure out what I need to do with my link page.

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February 1997

I'm Sopping My Own Gravy Now!

For you non-southerners or generally ignorant people (not an insult), sopping (or soppin') is using bread (such as a roll or a biscuit) to wipe up whatever is left on your plate at the end of a meal. Mostly it is for cleaning up the gravy or juices or egg yoke or whatever and to give your bread a little extra flavor while you were at it. It is not practiced very much nowadays except maybe by a few tightwads like me. I paid good money for that food and, Buddy, I'm going to eat every last drop of it!

When I was in High School, my history teacher, Mrs. Ball - a great lady, told us this old story from the old South that ended with a phrase that stuck in my head all these years and haunts me at every meal that includes any kind of bread. Now it's my turn to do to you what she did to me.

There is no deep dark mystery behind this story; just another pointless, do-nothing story with a halfway funny punch line. But for some reason, it gets stuck in your head and won't ever go away. I told this story to Julie once and now whenever one of us starts sopping, that's when you hear it, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "What?" "I'm sopping my oooowwwwnnnnn gravy now!" Be sure to stretch out that "own".
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January 1997

When The Log Rolls Over, We Shall Die!

Here is one of those stupid first-grader jokes I mentioned a couple of months ago. It is not funny and makes no sense and no one remembers it until I am halfway done telling it. When they do remember it, they have a really strange flashback. Sometimes it gets a little bizarre. And what is even more strange, I have told it people who grew up in different places in the state of Arkansas, and also from Louisiana and Texas: and they all remember this joke. So please, if you remember this joke, email and tell me about it, and don't forget to tell me where you grew up. I would like to list them here. So, get ready for nothing. Hey, I never said it funny! Well, did you have the flashback? If so tell me about it.

I'm still waiting for you to send your stories in. I would love to hear from you and publish your stories.

I'm thinking about changing the background for the Main Page, which I also use for Lies and Stories, with each new issue. That should help you recognize that the new issue is out a little more easily. I will also list the current titles for Lies, Stories, and Misc in the table of contents on the Main Page. The Links Pages are constantly being updated so do drop by often anyway. Any other suggestions? Please drop a line.

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December 1996

New Beginning

I started a new job in November. And as in most cases, the parting from the old one was not on the smoothest of terms. I'm not going to spend time complaining about my old job or naming names or anything like that. You can get plenty of that at the Disgruntled Website. But there is an old story you may have heard before that I was reminded of every day that I worked for nearly the last year. I heard this story as a young child and it has stayed with me my whole life. Read it and see if it has any special meaning in your life.
The Turtle and the Scorpion

November 1996

Special Requests

The other day, one of the guys at work who owns a Macintosh was having problems with his computer so he tried calling the Apple hotline. The number is 1-800-SOS-APPL. Except he accidentally replaced the letter O with the number 0. I'm not going to tell you what happened, you'll have to call the number yourself. Go ahead, it's free and the person on the other end won't get mad at all. Do it. It's free. You'll get a big kick out of it.

HELP ME! I would like to add a few more pages to my web site, but I can't I do it without your help. I need stories from you. Do you have stories that could fit in these categories.

Old People Stories - Can you finish this for me - " The other day while I was cutting Grandma's toenails, she said...."? Something along those lines. Everyone has a Grandparent or uncle or something that was a "Collector". You know, the one that never would throw anything away no matter how useless, worthless or broke down it was. Any lists of those items out there?

Goofy Things Kids Say - Like the time my nephew asked, "How do you spell dumb?" or the time my niece accidentally combined the two phrases: hogging up all the room and taking up all the space and said "Taking up all the hog". We have since made that a standard phrase. Even mispronounced words or phrases like the time another nephew who called me Monkey Candy instead of Uncle Danny. I ain't prejudiced, I'll make fun of anybody.

Tales of White Trash - I'm not sure if their is enough of this for it's own page but it's worth a try. I'm proud white trash myself (once removed), so I know a few interesting stories and individuals.

Bad Kid's Jokes - Remember those stupid jokes you heard first grade that you thought were funny? I got a few but I'll give to you in the coming months.

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